| | Write it down! Do you have the best group of friends ever? A useful ideal allows for the realities and limitations of life without manufacturing needless barriers to growth and change, and provides an atmosphere that supports both of you to be the best you can be as autonomous, equal partners. For example, if you understand an intimate partner will get irritated with you from time to time (and vice versa), you can be open about what is irritating, negotiate ways to minimize the frustration and friction by building in more space to be yourselves, and also work to improve yourself where you see fit, which will reduce the number of times your partner is annoyed, and make your real relationship seem more like your ideal of receiving unconditional love and approval. But few books and seminars truly teach us how to love in such a way that we deal with sexual desire, sexual activity, financial concerns, stress, healing, our own unique childhood upbringing, and the emotions that get triggered in us with our most intimate partners. Don't do a lot of this - a little goes a long way. Sex in a committed relationship serves a lot of functions. |